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September 26, 2006
Forgetting Is The Best Medicine
"I thought in this city, a past was precisely that. Past. Why do I have to remember? In the old world, anyone could be a new creation, the past was washed away. Why should the new world be so inquisitive?
'Don't you ever think of going back?'
Silly question. There are threads that help you find your way back, and there are threads that intend to bring you back. Mine turns to the pull, it's hard to pull away. I'm always thinking of going back. When Lot's wife looked over her shoulder, she turned into a pillar of salt. Pillars hold things up, and salt keeps things clean, but it's a poor exchange for losing your self. People do go back, but they don't survive, because two realities are claiming them at the same time. Such things are too much. You can salt your heart, or kill your heart, or you can choose between the two realities. There is much pain here. Some people think you can have your cake and eat it. The cake goes mouldy and they choke on what's left. Going back after a long time will make you mad, because the people you left behind do not like to think of you changed, will treat you as they always did, accuse you of being indifferent, when you are only different."
- Jeanette Winterson, Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit
I don't need to hold things up, I don't have to be strong. I only want to survive, and the only way I can survive is to be happy.
I am almost happy now.
Posted by lainey at September 26, 2006 12:41 AM