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March 30, 2004
Writing
A daily record of thoughts and feelings is not writing.
It is merely - a record.
Perchance there exist in me a bone which loves to write and tries to write. But being crippled by so much inertia and ennui that I can't find the passion, motivation or inspiration to write anymore, my words are heavy - they sink to the bottom of the page. They create no images and the flow, viscous. Like awkward lumps on the page, they are just a pathetic attempt to write down half-baked thoughts and half-felt emotions.
So I am in two minds. One is to keep writing and the other to give up altogether. Give up writing? No, but to give up the idea that I can ever actually write again. Past entries, the few that I can actually be proud of, are merely dreams and torn pages of a lost history. They float around the room - float around this world - with nowhere to go, and no heart to belong to. Just little fallen leaves of a sepia autumn to be swept away into the incinerator when winter arrives.
I yearn to write again. I yearn to write so long so much with so much fervour. I remember a time when I wrote that much that hard. A time when all my waking hours and even the somnambulant ones were filled with writing, writing and more writing. That was a time when a blog did not exist. Is this telling me something - that a pen and a notebook is what I need to revive a dying soul?
I'm dying.
My writing soul is dying.
And I need want to write again, even if just for one last time.
Posted by lainey at March 30, 2004 11:02 AM
Comments
highs, and lows, my friend.
we all go through them. some of us alternate on a daily basis. some on an annual. some change frequencies more often than a control freak with an old twist-dial radio.
Many of my entries are boring. and merely records of my daily life.
some of them aren't. Those are worth the hundreds of boring space fillers in between. To me, anyhow.
As spacefan puts it, some of my best pieces are about Her.
Perhaps you will find your voice, or your muse again. Till then, is space filling so bad?
Posted by: re-minisce. at March 30, 2004 11:36 PM
Flaccid it may be to you but fantastic to some.
Posted by: D W at March 31, 2004 10:42 AM
I guess i am not a writer and never will be... but i think you are, a good one at that.
You, like DW, reminisce makes writing more than just mere recording of little snippets of your life.
Write as you are and write for yourself and i think you will realize that there are beauty that people can see even in heavy viscous words of half baked thoughts and emotions.
Posted by: Aury at March 31, 2004 11:12 AM