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March 31, 2004
Vermeer Madness
I think my obsession with Vermeer began when I caught sight of one of his works at the Van Gogh Museum, culminated to a climax when I watched Girl with A Pearl Earring and since, I've forever and ever become his groupie.
This..I want! He is brilliant!
Posted by lainey at 09:57 AM | Comments (1)
March 30, 2004
Writing
A daily record of thoughts and feelings is not writing.
It is merely - a record.
Perchance there exist in me a bone which loves to write and tries to write. But being crippled by so much inertia and ennui that I can't find the passion, motivation or inspiration to write anymore, my words are heavy - they sink to the bottom of the page. They create no images and the flow, viscous. Like awkward lumps on the page, they are just a pathetic attempt to write down half-baked thoughts and half-felt emotions.
So I am in two minds. One is to keep writing and the other to give up altogether. Give up writing? No, but to give up the idea that I can ever actually write again. Past entries, the few that I can actually be proud of, are merely dreams and torn pages of a lost history. They float around the room - float around this world - with nowhere to go, and no heart to belong to. Just little fallen leaves of a sepia autumn to be swept away into the incinerator when winter arrives.
I yearn to write again. I yearn to write so long so much with so much fervour. I remember a time when I wrote that much that hard. A time when all my waking hours and even the somnambulant ones were filled with writing, writing and more writing. That was a time when a blog did not exist. Is this telling me something - that a pen and a notebook is what I need to revive a dying soul?
I'm dying.
My writing soul is dying.
And I need want to write again, even if just for one last time.
Posted by lainey at 11:02 AM | Comments (3)
World Class Transport
Is the MRT a world class transport system? Well, I think it has a long way to go.
New York's Subway celebrates its 100th anniversary. And I know the grime and dirt doesn't quite let people think of "world-class". For me, it is wonderful and in a class of its own. I figured out on my second/third day in New York and it brought me places, so many places in New York and showed me so much of New York City. So many people take the train. The rich, the poor and young/old and everybody. And I learnt so much from the people I spoke to on the train, to clutching my purse real tight to prevent any snatch thieves. I made mental notes to read various books from so many commuters who do read on the train and I became friends with this guy because we were reading the same book on the Subway.
The buskers at the train stations are also incredibly spirited. Each station has a different pulse, a different beat. Canal St has the Chinese man playing the gu zheng. Union Square Station has hip hop dancers and jazz musicians. I remember once I was changing platforms. On the first platform I got off the train on, there is this man singing a country ditty. Then as I walked past one platform to get to my platform, I heard a man singing a heart-wrenching rendition of Love Me Tender. As I finally reached my platform, I heard instead, a sweet tune of Jazz. And I laughed because it's like different radio stations, all in the same train station.
So I guess, it's world-class because it brings me places and it's world-class because it has spirit, soul and life.
Posted by lainey at 09:07 AM | Comments (0)
March 28, 2004
Village Girl
Tonight, listening to Jazz on accuradio and chatting with A (who is pretending I'm still in New York!), a memory hit me hard.
I remember, walking down East Village in the snow, trying to avoid the sludge. A kept throwing snowballs at me, and I, not wanting to dirty my gloves, ignored him and went on walking. We walked to the Indian restuarant for dinner and found warmth in there for a while. Then I remembered going outside, standing at the sidewalk, smoking my post-food cigarette. I shuddered as one naked hand held the fag and the other hand stuffed deep into my pocket, snow flakes dashing into my eyes and I stood stubbornly shivering in the cold. A lady walked by and borrowed my lighter and both of us, stood there, smoking and sharing our cold silent moment. A couple of men walked by and told us it's freezing and we nodded in unison, like twin sisters who never met.
A came out to get me. And we continued walking walking arm-in-arm and he threw more snowballs at me. I laughed but ignored him because I was already too caught up in my own world. Of misty lights and twinkle stars, of snow and rain and sludge and silent music.
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I also remember another night at the East Village with A. We just finished watching a dance performance and it was snowing again. That night, A was rather pensive, so we went into starbucks for some hot chocolate and sat on a couch and read our books for a while. We read and I stopped to look at the world rushing by in muted silence as people scurried in the snow. And there I was, warm for that while, with the luxury of a hot chocolate sponsored by A.
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Everything is in Sepia on snowy/rainy winter nights in the East Village.
Addendum: A corrects me that it was raining on the first account and snowing only on the second. But my memory had fused both occasions into one. It's probably not true to account. I'm not too sure when what happened anymore. :p
Posted by lainey at 09:46 PM | Comments (1)
Nostalgia
I used to live here.
Posted by lainey at 01:18 PM | Comments (0)
Live and Forget
The best way to deal with it
Posted by lainey at 01:13 PM | Comments (0)
Am bored la..
Yes or No...
You keep a diary: Yes.
You like to cook: Yup. It's supremely therapeutic.
You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: Yes.
You're in love: Yes.
You set your watch a few minutes ahead: Yes. 5 min in fact.
You bite your fingernails: Never.
You believe in love: Yes.
Who is...?
The prettiest person of the opposite sex you know:
Pretty boy? Small boy can?
The weirdest person you know:
Shao. Heh.
The Loudest person you Know:
My entire maternal extended family.
Your close friends:
aiyoh. autograph book ar?
The person that knows the most about you:
The shrink. Either that or Fangying or Shan.
Most Boring Teacher:
Gee. Endless list. Gotta be...-ponders- My Sec 1 lit teacher.
What is...
Your most overused phrase:
"Can I ask you a question?"
The last image/thought you go to sleep with:
Sleep! Sleep! Please fall asleep!
Your best feature:
People say it's my smile.
Inside joke:
I can never be toughhh...
Do You...?
Take a shower every day:
Duh. After I get out of bed and before I get into bed.
Have any crushes:
Currently? Nope.
Think you know you've been in love:
Yeap.
Want to get married:
When I find the person to love, till death do us part.
Have any tattoos/where?:
No. I want!
Piercings/where?:
A pair of ear piercings. Used to be more, but they closed.
Get motion sickness:
Yeah. Especially slow arduous car rides.
Think you're a health freak:
Abit?
Get along with your parents:
There are good days and bad days. Today is a good day.
When you see this name you think of...
Ryan: That guy I met at orientation who is a little brash but nice to me all the same.
Rob: Roy?
Drew: Barrymore
Stephanie: Julian's girlfriend
Heather: Kay
Aaron: Kwok. Unfortunately.
Amy: Emi...my Japanese friend.
Paul: Reiser?
Eve: and Adam
John: Bon Jovi. HAHA!
Alex: pilot in Alburqueque (And I know I spelt it wrong again)
Justin: Waiter from Cafe Rosso
Ricky: Riki mah sis's doggie
Jack: my teddy bear
Screen names: Blue Roses, Eilymeau, daisygal
Sign: Cancerian
Natural Hair Color: Black
Current Hair Color: With brown streaks
Eye Color: brown
Birthplace: Singapore
Favorites
Number: 18,21
Color: red to wear, blue on walls.
Day: Saturdays I think.
Month: November
Song: Currently it's Beth Orton's This One's Gonna Bruise
Food: Tofu, Mushrooms and Fish!
Season: Autumn, Spring
Drink: iced water on hot days, warm water on cold days/mornings/nights
Vegetables: spinach (first true love), mushrooms and cabbage
Preferences
Cuddle or Make Out: cuddle..then make out..then cuddle again...then make out again...then cuddle. heh. :p
Chocolate Milk or Hot Chocolate: Hot chocolate.
Milk, Dark or White Chocolate: Dark.
Vanilla or Chocolate: Mood dependent.
In the last 24 hours, have you...
Cried? no
Helped Someone? yes
Bought Something? no
Gotten Sick? no
Gone to the Cinema? no
Gone out for Dinner? yup, with Shan at Holland V kopitiam
Said "I love you"? no
Written a real letter? no
Talked to an ex?yes
Missed an ex? no
Written in a journal? yes
Had a serious talk? no
Missed Someone? no
Hugged Someone? no
Kissed Someone? no
Fought with your parents? no
Fought with a friend? no
Oh well. I've lazed around enough to go read. Later folks! ;)
What a lazy comfy weekend...;)
Posted by lainey at 11:02 AM | Comments (0)
March 27, 2004
The Weekender
This weekend is sounding fantabulous already.
...exciting weekend started yesterday.
Met up with Grace to watch her eat, then met up with kor for haagen daaz (green tea ice-cream!) but not before we went to Cold Storage and scanned all the products. I had to show him what I ate when I was back in Melbourne. So it was fun, walking down aisle to aisle, telling jokes, laughing and chatting.
This morning didn't make it to running so I called Tiffy and got her to bring me to gym (Body Combat!). Having good conversation with Iki and FY now and they never fail to make me feel cheery. Meeting XT for coffee later after soooo long and then hanging out with Shan for the evening/night!
Tomorrow I shall make it to church and then it's sis's birthday celebration. :)
And in the meantime, I intend to finish clearing my room, ironing ALL the clothes in the house and finish reading 100 Years of Solitude.
All in a weekend's worth of "work"!
Life is good, if I make it so.
And yes, I can make it so.
;)
Posted by lainey at 10:25 AM | Comments (1)
March 25, 2004
Egocentricism
More about myself.. :p
I WANT: to live.
I HAVE: hope.
I WISH: things didn't turn out the way they did.
I HATE: liars.
I MISS: Taro, Chrissie and Fangying.
I FEAR: I will lose my sanity.
I HEAR: Beth Orton's singing voice.
I SEARCH: for reason.
I WONDER: my God really exists.
I REGRET: dating certain men, losing certain friends and hurting the people i love most.
I LOVE: beauty, God and quite a few people.
I ACHE: for the senselessness of the world we live in.
I ALWAYS: act on impulse.
I AM NOT: sure of what's going on and what's going to happen.
I DANCE: whenever I'm happy.
I SING: to myself all the time, the only difference is whether I sing out loud or not..
I CRY: sometimes but not so often now. We don't count the irrational times.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: in control.
I WRITE: to remember and to sort out my thoughts.
I WON: have I really ever won?
I LOST: alot of things. But I can never forget losing the necklace Taro gave me because I left it in the shower in the motel at Mordialloc, Melbourne.
I CONFUSE: people with my paradoxes.
I NEED: God.
I SHOULD: be strong, try harder and be independent.
Posted by lainey at 10:07 AM | Comments (0)
March 21, 2004
Friday Five again! :)
If you...
1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?
Health food with vegan options, if it goes bust, i will just do Italian.
2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?
Flowers and books. Shop will be named Bibliofleur, literally..
3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be?
random mish-mesh of thoughts.
4. ...ran a school, what would you teach?
Literature! Appreciation of beauty.
5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?
Poetry readings. I know my lack of musical talent.
Posted by lainey at 09:54 AM | Comments (0)
March 14, 2004
Seems like a fun Fridayfive.
1. What was the last song you heard?
Right now Wimamp is playing Damien Rice's Woman Like A Man. It does qualify as the last song I heard right?
What were the last two movies you saw?
Long time ago, it would be have to -thinks- In America and -thinks harder- Runaway Jury (Runaway Jury was a free tic la). Going to watch Tropfest this evenin though...:)
What were the last three things you purchased?
My Grammar text Rediscover Grammar with David Crystal from Kinokuniya. I finally found it. Two photo albums from Popular. and copy of 8 Days to read on the bus.
What four things do you need to do this weekend?
I needed to meet Tiff to get my overnight bag and I did it yesterday. I need to go to my Sis's place to get my bathing suit, but since she is coming for lunch, I can strike that off my list. I need to give tuition soon. And I need pack my bag tonight.
Who are the last five people you talked to?
The other half(we are just randomly messaging each other on ICQ), Alan (he tells me excitedly he's in SF now), Iki, Mom (lunch today?) and Sis on the phone (yes!!! Finally! And she's coming for lunch!)
Sundays should be fuss-free and stress-free like this. :)
Posted by lainey at 10:03 AM | Comments (0)
March 13, 2004
Online Shopping
This is very pretty indeed. Good for Sunday afternoons in a Park.
Question is, my Sunday afternoons in Singapore are never in a park!
Oh gosh..this is extraordinarily pretty!!!
Note to self : Must go park for a picnic soon.
Note to all: Tell me what you think of the dresses!
Posted by lainey at 12:34 AM | Comments (1)
March 12, 2004
We Wait With Anticipation
Johnny Depp's new movie sounds great.
For me, any movie with a writer as a protagonist sounds good!!!
Posted by lainey at 09:32 PM | Comments (0)
March 11, 2004
Just because I think you might be reading this..
Dear Matt,
Today, I took out my Bic Runga CD and started playing it. Listening to her, it suddenly hit me that my heart hurts. Then I realised that it is because she reminds me of you. And I don't want to lose your friendship yet.
Sometimes, I realise we are extremely difficult to each other. But I know I care for you and you know you care for me. Things arn't quite the same for us. You are in France, I'm back in Singapore. You are busy with your final semester, and I'm busy with everything else. But...why is it really different? Do you care less? Do I?
I hope not.
Take care, and please remember to listen to Bic often.
lainey
Posted by lainey at 12:00 AM | Comments (1)
March 10, 2004
Vermeer/Firth Madness
The Age is wonderful when it comes to a film on art. The Melbournians really like art, y'know?
;)
Opinion on films on artists.
Article on my hunkdujour - Colin Firth. :)
Posted by lainey at 12:08 PM | Comments (0)
March 09, 2004
Jet Lag
Pico Iyer writes very well indeed.
This is dreamy.
But it feels like the state of mind I'm constantly in.
Anyway, Singapore is featured in the article..not in the best light though.
I step out of the airport in Singapore, though in Singapore it is easy to feel as if you have never stepped out of the airport: everything is so spotless, so streamlined, that the entire city feels as if it were a line of duty-free stores and manmade rain forests set along landscaped streets.
Posted by lainey at 05:33 PM | Comments (1)
Newcomer..
Joshua Xiao xiao ming, seow seow beng...has come home and straight into Huggy's embrace.
I will never give Joshua away to anyone, ever.
Posted by lainey at 02:14 PM | Comments (3)
March 08, 2004
What was...
1. ...your first grade teacher's name?
Miss Lim I think. She was withered and peculiar and I remembered starkly that she spoke really bad English.
2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon?
I think every Saturday morn, I didn't watch TV but listened to 90.5FM for the Victor and Charlie show..
3. ...the name of your very first best friend?
Kexin aka Chrissie. We kept in touch all the way till I was 13, lost touch and found each other again at 19. She was literally my oldest friend and the greatest person in the world.I miss her.
4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal?
I like muesli.
5. ...your favorite thing to do after school?
at which age? just chill...I guess...seriously chill. in Primary school, I remembered rushing home to watch Aski Mat Yoyo.
Posted by lainey at 12:53 AM | Comments (2)
March 07, 2004
Plath and Hughes' Marriage A Success?
Strange woman and strange views. It's not representative of my views but I thought this is a rather interesting view from a less..prudish...angle.
Posted by lainey at 07:03 PM | Comments (0)
Art Desecrated!
Wish I can be there.
But no, instead, I'm stuck here in this burning inferno.
Thank God for the print press and books.
But I have no air-con. So I can't even be part of the air-con nation.
-grunt-
Posted by lainey at 06:56 PM | Comments (0)
Another Mad Genius Subdued
Great article...fabulous writing too.
Posted by lainey at 11:31 AM | Comments (0)
March 06, 2004
Hitler Revival
Posted by lainey at 02:37 PM | Comments (0)
March 04, 2004
Singapore Film Fest
Only had a chance to briefly glance through the list of movies. Am disappointed that they are not showing Saddest Music in the World (did I get it wrong?) cuz as Vaya said, even the title itself is worth the watching.
There should be quite a few I am interested in watching, but somehow, right now, the main one that caught my eye that I know I will definitely go watch, even if it means going alone, is....
Tibet - Cry of the Snow Lion
Ever since my summer class on colonialism, I've been actively following the Tibetan cause because I just feel so much for the entire topic of colonialism and postcolonialism. So it's a must-watch and times like this, I wish the ex-housemate and fellow-history-enthusiast MichSeetoh is here and not in Shanghai cuz she is the only person I can think of who is into the Tibetan cause.
bleahz.
Any other takers?
Posted by lainey at 11:54 PM | Comments (0)
March 03, 2004
OMYGAWD
This is like the equivalent of getting all the icecream flavours I want for my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by lainey at 07:33 PM | Comments (0)
Missing
I miss my sister. She has never been so far from me before. Not even when we were oceans apart while I was in Melbourne.
Someday God will return her into my arms again.
Till then, I pray. For her.
Posted by lainey at 07:10 PM | Comments (0)
End of An Era
After all that mystery and Big's name is JOHN?! :)
I just finished the finale of Sex and The City and boy, I know every other gal thinks like me, I really love the show for how it...dramatizes my problems. :)
I feel ready, totally ready to move on now :)
Sorry Iki to pick off your quote...but hearing Carrie go :
I am someone who is looking for love. Real love - ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.
made me realise how short-changed I've been for all the relationships I had been in.
So, it makes sense for me to put it all behind me now.
I know for sure what is real and good.
I need to begin to love myself and regain my sense of self-worth, which was all battered out of me.
And I need a kickass pretty dress.
And yes, I also feel ready to spend my money on one.
For now, I shall go running. Cuz pretty dress will not fit fat body. :)
Posted by lainey at 06:19 PM | Comments (0)
March 02, 2004
Reluctant Choices
The entire Oscar hoopla only proved one point for me.
Why do we even have to label what's good or bad? There's too much good in the world (ok...bad too) but only one award to give each time.
I think the world of movies is wondrous and even more wonderful when an article and a feature celebrate it like this.
Wonderful photography and fantastic choices.
Posted by lainey at 07:41 PM | Comments (0)