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January 30, 2004
I Want To Go To Toronto
Frank Gehry is very nice.
I would think he never fails to deliver. But how can I even comment before I check it out? :)
Posted by lainey at 10:49 AM | Comments (0)
January 27, 2004
Clouds
I might have lost my ability to write in public. I would blog occasionally, and delete away the posts before I publish them. There are times when I would post an entry, only to delete it after a few hours, or a few days.
It seems like exposing my thoughts and feelings is an awkward experience now even though I am in dire need of catharsis.
Do people even trust another anymore?
I want to. Despite being someone who is more used to rushing headlong into things, forever thrashing things out, saying what I feel, doing what I want and following the heart, I've been scared of my impulses and feelings of late. I've learnt to restrain myself. I'm darthly scared of being hurt.
But this limboic state of nowhere is not for me. I feel like repressed and like a zombie. In so doing, I end up in a drugged state where nothing quite matters and float around on a cloud in reality.
I'm not sure what's going on, and I don't know what I'm doing.
Maybe it's the rain. I like the rain, but it should stop cuz it's indulging me too much.
Lainey should never be pampered.
Posted by lainey at 03:47 PM | Comments (1)
January 23, 2004
Day 3 - Thanksgiving
After a night's rest, Thanksgiving seemed to be a good idea and Brooklyn a better place to live in. While the rest of his family were busy making preparations for Thanksgiving Dinner, Ed decided to bring me to his favourite place in Brooklyn - Coney Island Beach. And a fantastic day it was.
It was a balmy day and I was screaming about the sun!!! But the sea I love and love the sea will I forever. Behold the sight. :)
"I want to go to the jetty!!!" , I exclaimed...and Ed furrowed his eyebrows and walked me there. I like jetties! :)
Then we went back....and I ate and slept and ate.
Thanksgiving was pure gluttony. :)
Tomorrow will I tackle the big bad Manhattan wolf.
Posted by lainey at 12:07 PM | Comments (0)
January 21, 2004
The Final Simplicity of Love
From Vaya's blog, a wonderful passage:
I realized tonight as I left your place, that my love for you was absolute. It could go on record with 12 months to the year, 365 days, 7 celestial bodies - Nothing I can do about it. I could tell you more news, that beavers, for instance, have see-through eyelids for swimming underwater, and a tweezer on the tip of the left fourth finger. I would like to be about that useful, but I can also assume the position of a Swiss Army knife in every-ready closed position. I could slap you awake to the presence of my love, like a beaver's tail smacks water, but I want you to be simply as you are, to work in this world as you were meant to do, 24 hours to the day, 52 weeks, and nothing to be done about it. I bask in the inevitable like an eagle in a tuck. Did you know they can dive up to 400 miles per hour? But I certainly wouldn't want to hunt you down. I step back and simply gaze at your true blue shirt and wonder about the immense and awesome wonder of this, not even hoping for an instant that someday you might wake up to the vague possibility, as if turning to an alluring aroma, or hearing the perfect pitch of that one holding note that doesn't die away when your head hits the pillow. It's just a pleasure that I know your name. That it happens to be you. What if I had fallen for some disgusting person. What if I wanted anything in return. Impossible, I know that. My love is simply like a good weather prediction that gets even better when it comes true in my head. Fabulous mild temperatures that inspire you to write the next great chapter. You feel better and even better about yourself, and don't know why. While I'm like a big happy animal, galloping amongst so many shades of green, with heapings of health and sweet frolickings to boot. I want you to be just as you are, 7 days to the week, every 60 seconds, in absolute recurring devotion. Forever and ever as witnessed by the stars, and there's nothing in the world I can do! But to hand you this manuscript and touch you on the mouth, then to blissfully and quietly depart. Don't worry about me. I will be happy as a lark. Pleasure is my mentor, but you can think of me as Joy. I will love you until the day I die. And possibly even after. Read this like my last will and testament, for whatever I have left, I leave it all to you - so lucky I was to have you even barely in my life, which is composed to 41 years now, one month and 16 days, 12 hours and 8 minutes, right up until this very instant - beneath the heavenly, breathing, sky.
- Laura Chester, Bitches Ride Alone
Posted by lainey at 05:08 AM | Comments (0)
January 16, 2004
Bohliao Quiz again
IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Somewhere on the Northern Californian Coast.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
My dresses. All my French Connection stuff, especially my mini denim skirt. :)
FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes. And everything else must fit.
WHAT'S THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT?
Silence is Easy - Starsailor
WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
In Singapore? a cafe in Holland Village.
WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
Anywhere with crowds and bad smells.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?
Neck and shoulders and everywhere else yes please.
WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?
A strong heart to bear everything life hits you with.
WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
between 0530hrs and 0600hrs
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
The blender. And Matt, Nutella is so not an appliance
11. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
hypocrisy, insensitivity, narrow-mindedness, prejudice and betrayal
IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
The Piano
13. FAVORITE COLOR?
Midnight Blue
14. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
Can't drive. But I like a fast car.
15. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
Yes I do.
16. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
Too many. Roald Dahl, Enid Blyton, Grimm Brothers, Narnia Chronicles...and so much more!
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Spring and Autumn
18. WHAT'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?
WAshing the toilet? Favourite chores would be to iron and do the laundry.
19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
To stay with my loved one and never part. Failing thus, I would want the super power of selective amnesia.
20. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
Don't have one, but want one, should get one soon.
21. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
Nope.
22. 1 PERSON FROM THE PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK & TALK WITH?
Why open old wounds? The only person I wish to talk to now, I want to think that he is still in my present and will be in my future. I refuse to think of him as my past. And hopefully, he is not my past.
23. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
Saturdays for the coffees and cigarettes and the in-depth conversation. Sundays for the family and the dog.
24. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
No car la.
25. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Sushi definitely.
26. OF THE PEOPLE YOU MAILED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Donno leh. Who is free?
27. WHO'S LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
The one whom I don't want to think is in my past loh.
28. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER?
daisy. and recently, white tulips.
29. IF YOU COULD PICK WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
florist cum bookstore owner :)
30. IF YOU WON 300 MILLION IN POWERBALL WHAT WOULD BE THE FIRST THREE > >>THINGS YOU WOULD SPEND IT ON? >
Family, charity, quelling my wanderlust
31. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Singapore
Posted by lainey at 10:34 PM | Comments (2)
January 14, 2004
Day 2: Grime, Dust, Disgust
JFK seems okay.
Jeff turned up at the airport. Still okay.
Got on to the airport bus and found it disgustingly dirty and smelly.
Took the Subway and was horrified.
Met Forrest and we went to Ryan's - a pub - for dinner and drinks.
Went to Forrest's office to wash up. Tight security yah!
Finally met Edmond and took a train to Brooklyn with him.
Crashed.
New York City is crass, dirty and disgusting.
Maybe it's just my exhaustion.
But the people I met on Day 1 made everything better.
Life should be better after jetlag.
Posted by lainey at 10:18 PM | Comments (0)
January 11, 2004
Day 1: Transit @ Amsterdam
The plane ride was rather gruelling and I was tired and worried about New York City. I had planned to hang around in Schipol Airport for 8 hours and wallow my time away at the internet cafe.
As I walked around the airport, I was suddenly empowered by a sense of curiosity. I decided to go out and explore Amsterdam. It was still dark and I thought it was only prudent to wait till the sun comes up. In the meantime, I go to the internet cafe to talk to friends and look for Mom. Emails and brief chats revitalised me and I was raring to go.
I couldn't find passport control and was stopped by a bunch of Chinese Nationals who needed help with immigration. They could speak no English. I brought them to the immigration office and played translator for a bit. They were in quite a fix. I don't think I managed to help them but the nice guy at Immigration told me I could leave after assuring me that the ladies would be taken care of.
I finally found Passport Control. Friendly guy at the counter complimented my smile and kept asking me to smile before he let me out. I laughed at him and mocked punched him before promising to bring him lunch on my way back (yah right). Found directions to the Van Gogh Museum and took the bus there abruptly.
On the bus, there was only one thought:
Amsterdam is dreary.
It was eight in the morning when I arrived and the museum only opens at ten. Had a cigarette and walked through Vondelpark. Snap shots of Amsterdam look nicer than the actual place. I just wanted to sit down but it was too cold and rainy for me to sit anywhere. Bicyclists everywhere made road-crossing an adventure.
Finally decided to go to the supermarket to explore. Indeed it was a brand-new experience. I pretended I lived in Amsterdam and was shopping for a regular week. I had fun and I thought how much pate I would eat if I do live in Amsterdam.
Finally it was ten o'clock and Van Gogh Museum opened. I was enthralled. First by the Dutch masters, then Van Gogh's life and his paintings. Level by level I scaled...in a hurry to cover everything before it's time for me to leave at noon. There wasn't enough time. To sit, to enjoy, to absorb.
The watch ticked mecenarily and I had to rush through the exhibits. Rush..read...refer...go back...rush...walk faster lainey.
There was just not enough time.
Ran out of the museum and took the bus back. Waited long for the bus and managed to have a cigarette and to offer one to the American backpacker next to me. I couldn't talk to him despite his attempts at smalltalk.
Was too devastated by the inability to finish Van Gogh Museum.
Went back to the airport to take the worst ride in my life...to JFK Airport.
Posted by lainey at 10:13 PM | Comments (2)
The Travelogue : New York 2003
This will be published on a day-by-day basis - which means we are going to have 30 posts on my trip to New York.
This travelogue is, first and foremost, for my mother who has always encouraged me to write (and read) , who loves to read my writing and has been asking me to write about my trip for her instead of telling her.
This travelogue is also for myself. It was a wonderful trip and a fantastic experience. Unfortunately, I have a really bad memory and if I do make a record of my feelings, thoughts and actions, they fade away soon.
Lastly, this travelogue is for you. Because wonderful things are meant to be shared.
Posted by lainey at 09:58 PM | Comments (0)
Faith
Thanks Dave, for the wondrous link.
After I saw Luke praying for his father in Iraq, I asked him when he first began to believe in God. ''I don't know,'' he said. ''I've always known he exists.''
June 18, 1997 was the day I knew He existed. He has never stopped existing since.
:)
Posted by lainey at 12:12 AM | Comments (0)
January 06, 2004
I finished the book! One
I finished the book! One day earlier than planned, and I'm extremely pleased with myself, cuz that means I can start on Murakami tomorrow. :)
I shall write about the book tomorrow. Today, the most I can do is to share a wonderful passage with you. :)
"And yet these events have formed Gogol, shaped him, determined who he is. They were things for which it was impossible to prepare but which one spent a lifetime looking back at, trying to accept, interpret, comprehend. Things that should never have happened, that seemed out of place and wrong, these were what prevailed, what endured, in the end."
- The Namesake, Jhumpa Lahiri
And for me, this is the precise reason why every moment of life is so precious.
Posted by lainey at 11:21 PM | Comments (0)
Orientation Blues
I realised I have no patience for:
1) incredibly stupid people
2) incredibly stupid and loud people
3) incredibly stupid, loud and enthusiastic people.
I also realised why I hang out better with guys than girls. Because I also have no patience for: -
1) giggly girls
2) giggly and chattering girls.
3) giggly and chattering girls who talk non-stop, even when it's only polite of them to shut the FUCK up.
And that's the end of my orientation today.
We shall return to my book, which I hope to finish by tomorrow.
Posted by lainey at 01:09 PM | Comments (5)
The Female Boyfriend
School got out early yesterday and Alan managed to get his procrastinating self out to hang out with me. We walked around laughing and ate Japanese food at the Esplanade...somewhat reminiscent of what we usually did in New York. So we hung around till evening and I did what I would usually do whenever I was in the vicinity on a weekday - call Shan for a meet up.
She was late and Alan was trying to cajole me into not to meeting up with her, since it was just for a short while. But I told him this:
"She's like my boyfriend, I will meet up with her when there's an opportunity, however brief."
Then she arrived and we scooted off for a fuss-free, frill-free good time. She's the only one I can spend late nights at the strangest of places with - Clarke Quay tourist shops? Mustafa? Or just sit at a strange obscure corner in town drinking supermarket-bought drinks instead of overpriced cafes. But we will also also go to overpriced cafes and spend Sunday afternoons ranting and reading and ranting then reading.
We walked to the train station yesterday but got distracted into Robinsons. She started looking at nail polish but I think she has too many already and colours bore me. I started looking at shoes and yes, I know I have too many pairs. So I kept having to pull her away from the make-up department while she had to drag me away from the Shoe section. In the end, she made me buy some strange sparkly make-up with her....I am not good at make-up and I enticed her into buying a pair of red shades with me...cuz we burst out laughing at the sight of the both of us in the mirror.
Then as we paid for our purchases, she whipped up two pairs of pearl earrings she had bought for me and herself earlier the day. I squealed in delight and put them on immediately. Parting ways at the train station, we screamed when we realised that we first knew each other, we were extremely contrasting in tastes but have sychronised somewhat over the years. We have the same pair of shoes, same pair of earrings and same pair of shades! And I somehow keep dumping on her the scarves and accessories I bought for myself cuz pretty as they might be, I never know how to accessorise!
I think our friendship went through alot of obstacles over the years. But I'm glad she's here and I'm here.
She's not a female boyfriend, but a really good friend.
And the best companion anyone can ask for.
Posted by lainey at 06:24 AM | Comments (2)
January 03, 2004
Barriers in Language
I asked you:
What is "Ne me quitte pas"?
You explained and you added.
I wanna say to you : " Je ne veux pas te quitter ".
And I wanna believe you wholeheartedly, but I can't.
I'm even sorry I asked you.
Posted by lainey at 01:04 AM | Comments (0)
January 01, 2004
The Last Day
I had spent my final days of 2003 running around - catching up with friends who have just returned from the UK or the US and re-establishing contact with the regular Singaporean ones. And I was, surprisingly, not tired.
However, I still feared becoming a burnt-out case and planned to stay alone in quiet self-reflection.
But who was I really kidding?
Instead I spent it with a bunch of crazy people and had a really good time feasting, watching Lord of The Rings (the first one) and getting intoxicated. (refer to below)
This was just a momentary break. I didn't drink till I collapsed la. -hee-
Posted by lainey at 04:03 PM | Comments (2)
Short Bursts of Joy
My white tulips died yesterday and I was depressed for a while. For they had barely lasted three days and they were so pretty. Alan tells me, "But they are flowers! They must die! Like all beauty!" But I would hear nothing of it. I like eternity, I like forever, I like happily ever after. For the same reasons I do not like fireworks, but only the concept of them, perhaps now then, I will not like flowers and only the idea of them.
For the same reason, perhaps, I had never been much of a fan of short stories. For me, a story has to be weaved and spun into a beautiful tapestry. Short stories happen too fast and end too quick, there is never enough time to feel adequately for the characters. Yesterday, at the hair salon, I picked up Jhumpa Lahiri's Pulitzer-winning Interpreter of Maladies and finished reading it there and then.
It was a simply fantastical journey. Taking a peek into the lives of her characters who are torn between new and old worlds. I laughed with them and cried with them. Everyone should read this book. One feels intermittently for her characters at the point of her last word. The disappointment, the regret, the hope they have for their lives. The futility or the inevitability of all lives. She has an gently poignant pen that does not allow for melodrama but evokes the most of emotions.
The protogonist of her last stories very sagely shares that:
"Still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have traveled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination."
(lainey's addition:with every book I read!)
That is the certain curiosity she had used on her stories which has kept me rapt. And that is the spirit I would like to bring into my life and my new year (if I haven't already).
Posted by lainey at 03:40 PM | Comments (0)