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August 19, 2003
The Transition World
Reading Narnia...and chancing upon the world in-between worlds, reminds me of the time when I was with him. I think, I vaguely remember, a while ago, I had been in the world...the world between worlds. And I yearn to be there again. But I'm content, just by the fact that I've been there before.
I remember the days spent in San Diego:
If anyone had asked him "Where did you come from?" he would probably have said, "I've always been here." That was what it felt like - as if one had always been in that place and never been bored although nothing had ever happened.
We never did too much together.
Just driving along the highways, listening to music. My hand in yours. Your hand on my lap. No words. Just a straight road and lots of speed. Or we could be home - sitting on the couch, watching tv or a video, playing footsie, holding hands. We don't speak much.
Sometimes, we would lie on the bed. STaring at the ceiling, him drawing tiny circles on my arm and me drawing tiny circles on his legs. Then the words come. We would talk. About his world and my world. Questions after questions. That's the moment where our worlds finally do collide and intersect.
His world my world, and together, we meet at the world of in-between. No other worlds matter in that world of ours. Our world of In-Between.
I remembered when we first got to know each other:
"I think I've seen you before," She said.
"I rather think so too," said Digory. "Have you been here long?"
"Oh, always," said the girl. "At least - I don't know - a very long time."
"So have I," Said Digory.
"No you havent, " said she. "I've just seen you come up out of that pool."
"Yes, I suppose I did," said Digory with a puzzled air, "I'd forgotten."
Then for quite a long time neither said any more.
"Look here," said the girl presently, "I wonder did we ever really meet before? I had a sort of picture in my head - of a boy and a girl, like us - living somehwere quite different - and doing all sorts of things. Perhaps it was only a dream."
I don't quite remember how we got to know each other, or at which point did you become so important to me. Was it before you told me you liked me? Or was it after? Why did I accept your ludicrous love so readily, when I'd previously ran away from relationships and commitment? I just know. Being with you, felt like home. Being with you, despite the alien surroundings, felt like home. I didn't have to be anything I was not. I just became the best version of myself for you.
Perhaps it was only a dream. Us together. Being together was a dream for both of us. Across seas, cultures, nations and lifestyles, to come together and meet at a spot that we knew we were ultimately the same. Despite not being quite sure why we are the same. We are so different, yet so alike. Two misanthropes finding each other. You always know what I was going to say, what I'm thinking of. And I have no fear letting you know everything. I know what makes you tick and what doesn't. And you trusted me with all of what you could muster up. We believed in each other. Though we know not why. We loved each other, though it was so difficult.
Well, at least, that was before the world of In-Between came crashing down by evil.
Evil magic and evil fate.
We were just not meant to be.
I miss you. And even in reading the Narnia Chronicles, I find you dancing in it.
But thank you, for giving me a fantasy story of mine to call my own. We've been in that world before, and what a wondrous place it is.
My world now pales in absolute comparison.
Posted by lainey at August 19, 2003 03:13 AM