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July 11, 2003
Damnation
It's not that I want to get back together with him, because I don't. I don't want to hold on to something that isn't there anymore.
It's just that I find it hard to meet someone else with the same moral values as him. Because that's what I'm used to, and that's what I like.
For a while, I met someone I could actually trust, and not be paranoid about. I met someone who can connect with me on that precise level of trust.
I broke that trust.
And I broke the relationship of trust.
Even when our relationship was largely long-distance, I never once worried about him being with someone else. Never once.
So it dawned upon me that maybe I will have to bring my own moral standards down, or wait furtively before I meet someone who is like him again.
It's all pretty doomed. Isn't it?
Posted by lainey at July 11, 2003 05:00 PM