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March 07, 2003
I Miss You
I miss you. Too many of you.
xx
You. The one who started it off. Pulled my hair, kicked my chair, made me blush, made me laugh, made me cry, made me angry. The one who brought me out on my first date. The one who watched all the disney movies with me. The one who tolerated me and all my teenage adolescent insecurities. The one who saw through me. And even saw through my puberty-struck geekdom and acne. The one who made me cry.
xxx
I miss you too. I miss your bastardy ways. I miss how we shouted and screamed at each other. How we cared so much for each other, too much. But how we never dared show it all out. I miss how we tried to pretend we didn't care. I miss you. I miss how you tried to control me - "Don't cut your hair. Don't smoke. Don't drink. Wear dresses." I miss how I tried to spite you. I missed how angry you got. I miss how I would never cry for you. And I still don't. And I miss how you would always come back into my life again. But I know you never will, not anymore. I miss late night drives with depressive music and windows rolled down. I miss your bigbig hands on my face. I miss you.
xxx
I miss you and all the majong sessions. The late night chats with you. The silly dinners and the stupid jokes. The walks in-between. I miss sitting on your bed, smoking and asking you questions. I miss sitting on your bed, sharing a cigarette and watching movies. So many movies. I miss sleeping in your bed and listening to your mp3s, while the sun seeps in from the side of your blinds, forming a little play against your wall for me and my pretend sleep. I miss your smell, and the smell of your room. Musky tobacco, cats and something else. Oh, of course I miss your cats.
xxx
I miss chatting with you. Talkin about everything and anything. Listening to music. Music I introduced you. Music you introduced to me. Miss your SMSes about the most mundane issues. That can make me smile at anytime of the day. I miss your emails. Your phonecalls. Your wake-up calls. I miss contact with you. However brief.
xxx
And of course, in missing so many people from the past. I have to miss you. I miss your daily phonecalls. Everyday before and after your work. I miss your daily emails. Then after a while, I miss you, the physical you. Being with you. Driving down highways to dance music - a whole new world I've never experienced. I miss cooking for you, I miss eating your bad cooking for me. I miss watching movies with you. All the war movies. All the non-war movies. Watching SNL, the Martin Short Show, all the TV I would never have watched on my own. I miss playing footsie with you. I miss all the pre-menstrual crying I would do. And the way you would give in to me after every fight. How you would, in your own sweet way, be the one to give in first. I miss you holding me tightly to stop me crying, stop me screaming, stop me going insane. I miss your lips, your touch, your skin, your everything. I miss you whispering in my ear. I miss you holding me to sleep. I miss me rubbing your back. I miss you talking to Jonah. I miss your little theatricals with Jonah. I miss Jonah. I miss you. And I hope I don't have to miss you or Jonah for too long.
xxx
How many people can a person miss at one single time?
Posted by lainey at March 7, 2003 04:17 PM