« Horny Baby | Main | Phony Issues »
March 16, 2003
Catching On, Moving Up
It has been a strange strange week. Sometimes, I am amazed at how so much intensity can manage to squeeze itself into one week of my life. And how I manage to block them all out. Or did I?
I have to deal with them. My screwed up friendship with a couple of people. I really don't know what to do with you, or how I can make you see what I want to make you see. My studies. They have got to start somewhere. And other little personal issues that are perhaps not so little in the big picture of things.
Maybe I take things too hard. Maybe life doesn't have to be this intense. But I don't know how to let up, loosen up and take life and its issues lightly. Over-drank last night. And I imagined/remembered saying alot of things to people. Things I should never have said. And I regret drinking. Of course I do. Why do you think I always order only tonic water in clubs? Not because I'm cheap okay. And I must remember never to drink again. The regret that inevitably follows is not worth that brief moment of release.
Just put Shan on a cab back to the airport. And as much as I didn't show it, or realise it, I felt a tinge of sadness as I walked back into the house.
There she is, gone. Back to Singapore.
And here I am, in Melbourne again. Alone. Again. Naturally.
It's like I've lost the feeling of having someone truly caring for me for one week. The week might not have been good, or fantastic. But in its own way, it was a sort of a saving grace for me.
Someone to talk to. Someone to laugh with. Someone to cry with. Someone to get angry at. Someone to bare my heart to. Someone to bare her heart to me. Someone to try to understand.
Both Sides Now.
And now, I'm on my own again.
And somehow, I'm think I might make it, even though my life is topsy-turvy and slightly screwed up. :)
Thanks for dropping by. :) -hugs-
Posted by lainey at March 16, 2003 03:25 PM