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February 01, 2003
Eve
New Year's Eve. Feeling extremely alone. But dressed nicely to go for reunion dinner at swanky chinese restaurant with tremendously delicious food and pretty enjoyable company. still feeling alone. went to boxhill to squeeze with the rest of melbourne's chinese population. avoided a panic attack. braved the crowds. to arrive at a dodgy bookstore and bought good titles at really cheap prices. ate ice-cream. went to jazz bar. rejected a marriage proposal from balding white man, danced, avoided alcohol, danced, stared lustfully at drummer and bassist of jazz band. danced. danced. walked. tired. cried. called home. cried. cried. showered. tired. cried.
am feeling alone.
i had a good night with good people. but it doesn't stop me from feeling alone.
feeling like i don't have the right to exist anymore.
i'm tired. so tired.
been too long since i slept. but i like my new Kookai clothes. and the rougebest friend gave me. first time i put on rouge today. pretty pretty nice nice.
i like pink.
but still i don't want to exist anymore.
tired. of breathing. and living. finally. and it's just the brand new year.
wow.
Posted by lainey at February 1, 2003 12:21 AM
Comments
Sleep ... tomorrow will be a new year :)
Posted by: Irish at February 1, 2003 01:40 AM
happy lunar new year lainey :) *hugz*
Posted by: aurorin at February 4, 2003 10:16 PM