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February 18, 2003
Dying Dreams
Friend noticed my acrimonious behaviour of late and asked me questions about it.
Then he asked "Do you have dreams? A passion? Do you follow them? Are you persistent?"
I used to have them.
Dreams.
Passion.
Fervour.
I believed I would do great things. I believed I would be great. I believed great things would come to me.
Since young, my parents have always made me believed that.
And I've always believed I'm the type of person who would pursue my dreams. Till the end of time.
But now I'm tired. At 22, I'm exhausted. And left with a few dangling pathetic remnants of what used to be dreams. Now, at most, I can only call them flickering interests.
Flickering interests. Shadows of the past.
That's what I'm left with.
And I'm tired. And all I hope, and wish for each day, is to hope to be alive.
Nothing too grandiose, nothing too demanding.
I just hope I get to see each tomorrow.
No more thoughts of achieving great big things.
I disappoint, not only myself. But my parents. The people around me. And my ego.
Coincidentally, I actually wrote about this in my personal journal last night.
HEre's an extract :
"Seriously, I sit here and wonder what I really want to do with my life. And if I'm really okay.
I want to be happy.
Full-of-hope kinda happy
In-love-with-life kinda happy
But I just don't know how to.
How did I forget?"
Posted by lainey at February 18, 2003 10:35 PM
Comments
Sometimes our dreams die before us and sometimes our dreams die after us.
Posted by: D W at February 19, 2003 08:26 AM
sometimes we will falter in our pursue for our dreams... sometimes we burn out or we think we have burnt out but when really, it could be that we push ourselves too hard, have too high an expectation of ourselves that when we drop back, the discrepancy seemed so great... and that's pretty discouraging..
but seriously, i think, few people can really throw themselves full steam ahead all the way for their dreams, there is always a period of time when everything stop perhaps we r physically tired/drained. But this may not necessary be a bad thing becos it gives us time to reflect and reassess ourselves and sometimes dreams do change...
frankly i think u are still so young! And i think u will find your rhythm in life soon again.
oh. sorry for jabbering on.. :P
Posted by: aurorin at February 19, 2003 11:28 PM