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January 23, 2003
The Black Hole
In some obscure self-destructive mode, I do things, to hurt myself. To get myself down. I know there are certain things I can do to make myself happy. Read a book. Listen to good, happy music. Run. Go out with people. Watch TV. Anything but what I'm doing now.
Moping.
Listening to the wrong type of music.
Writing.
Moping.
Falling off the edge of the world.
Hurting. Feeling pain. Thinking. Thinking. Hurting.
Slipping away into nothingness.
Tomorrow, the sun will be out again, and all will be well. I will be that social creature that's expected of me. And night will come and everything will come crumbling down again.
The truth is, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be there either.
I don't know what I want.
All I know is that I'm falling. REally falling.
Gosh.
Posted by lainey at January 23, 2003 12:28 AM
Comments
someone once told me to go buy myself the latest McDonald's free toy when I found myself in that situation.
It didn't work.
And then again, I never did actually try, did I?
Posted by: re-minisce at January 24, 2003 01:35 AM
Sounds like you are ripe for that great Magnum Opus you were going to write. All great writers are really very depressed writers ! :op
either that or you are just wallowing in self pity. I prefer(wallowing in) mud myself but I guess that's not too available in a place like Melborne I guess :)
Posted by: Irish at January 24, 2003 01:46 AM
I just work, I guess, work and work until you don't feel anything at all.
But then after a while, cracks start appearing and it all seeps in again.
Then I go nuts and do the necessary things that are a result of nuttiness.
Until I had enough or until it stops.
Then I start the cycle again.
Each time it gets worse, the things you do but I sort of figure, that eventually, it will just end. Its as simple as that.
Just follow the trail.
*hugs*
PS: Of course, playing computer games help as well:P which is why I have no life, I work , play computer games, sleep repeat X 10000000000
Posted by: Shuen at January 24, 2003 02:53 AM